Man Who Read This Blog Must Be Bored...

Confucius is one of the great philosophers of our time. Spreading his wisdom on such matters as filial piety, virtueos living and family values, he was indeed one of the great icons of Chinese culture. But what do we care? Following Murphy's Law, we have to poke fun at him too, with these not so correct sayings from the sage - or not. This time, on Things you don't learn from textbooks...

Confucius Says...

• Man who stand on toilet high on pot
• Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion
• Man who run behind car get exhausted
• Virgin just like balloon... one prick, all gone
• Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy
• Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy
• Man with hand in pocket feeling cocky all day
• Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter
• Man who loses key to lady's apartment get no new-key
• Man who go to bed with itchy backside, wake up with smelly finger
• War not determine who right, determine who left
• Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
• Schoolboy who play with schoolgirl during wrong period, get caught red-handed
• Man who sit on tack get point
• Girl who sit on judge's lap get honourable discharge
• Girl who go camping must be aware of evil intent
• He who farts in church sits in own pew
• He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into own hands
• Man who go to bed with hard problem wake up with solution in hand
• If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
• Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts.
• Woman who go to bachelor apartment for snack get tit-bit.
• No difference between man and mouse - both end in pussy.

okay okay, a lot of these are naughty.. but so am i! entertain yourself with sayings of Confucius during my absence. I'll be thrown into the depths of Ah Bengness accompanying my parents to ipoh.. JoY!

oh alright, i'll throw in some actual Confucius quotes, to neutralise the naughtiness of the above.. and make this seem a bit more educational.

Confucius REALLY Say...

• To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.
• I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.
• It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
• Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
• Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
• In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
• Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
• Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
• It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.

There, don't we all feel that much more enlightened? For more Confucius quotes, click here.

Jeannie say ... if you start talking like Confucius, it's time to go to bed.