Nobility in Curry? Actually it was Petty Childishness in Veggies

if there's one thing this whole work thing has taught me, it's that you're only as good as you feel. A sad but true fact. I think the reason why i have been so miserable and sick to top it up, is because I am wallowing in my own depression. Tis true! Mood swings are funny things.
Take for example, dinnertime. Mum had made the brilliant decision of cooking curry, despite knowing that I would be moody after work and had a killer of a sorethroat. And me, being stubborn and groggy after waking up, decided that I would be noble(?) and not touch it. Somehow being fussy and able to "resist temptation" made me feel like I would derive somemore sympathy, or something like that. Refusing any offers to have any other food made, I contented myself with lots of veggie and rice and half a sausage. Even though i KnOw i'll be hungry in like 3 hours. (if you dunno why i was bring fussy, erm.. try and relate it to your childhood, when you threw a tantrum and your parents tried to pacify you with a toy or a sweet, and even though you KNEW you wanted it, you pouted nonetheless)
Anyway, I was just gonna kick a fuss and dig in, and then my dad says "She's in a foul mood." And i thought, you know what? I deserve to be in a foul mood. They know how much i HaTe work (with a passion). they know how i feel SO frustrated that my flu stops me from breathing through my nose (seriously, try having to breathe through your mouth for half a day - in an air-conditioned environment no less) and i am practically eating nothing for dinner. So i DO become all moody. And everything is answered with "I dunno" or "Mmm." or "Duwwan."
Even to the point I turned down mum's pujuking of "I'll take you shopping tomorrow after work, ok? " WhAt WaS i ThiNkiNg!??! Anyway, besides the point of me being a spoilt brat, what i'm trying to say is.. i felt crap/i feel crap just because i decided to.
i bet even staying sick for so long is because it gives me some extra thing to feel sorry about myself for. The mind plays really stupid tricks on you sometimes. The more you think that you are bored, and frustrated, and tired, and angry, you will be Bored and Frustrated and Tired and Angry.
i figure that's why i'm happy most of the other times. I HAD a positive outlook on life. Damn the working world for stepping on it, stamping it into the ground and then leaving it to trickle into the sewers. There i go again.
The moral of THIS story is, Think Happy, Be Happy. Now i just have to listen to my own advice.
And find something more filling to eat.





p.s: i don't personally know this kid... but i think he sums ME up nicely right now.