Things They Don't Tell You in Text Books: The One on LRTs

For the first time in ages, i stepped into what used to be very familiar territory. My usual haunt for those daily journeys to college (good old Taylor's college!), the LRT! mind you, i doubt i've complained about it (not much anyhow). Public transport is an excellent place to see characters you may not necessarily observe in any other part of your day, to people watch and even learn the roads! (yeah, looking out the window helps) Particularly if your public transport allows you to skip jams, avoid driving and is air conditioned!
This is the first chapter in my Things They Don't Tell You in Text Books series.

Okay, so i step in at 6.21 pm and i catch the "Work-is-over-for-the-day-i-wanna-get-the-hell-out-of-here Crowd" (whom i can sincerely share sentiments with) and with the benefit of a sort of foreigner's point of view, owing to the lack of LRTs in melbourne, i could once more observe *drum roll*

The Wildlife and Habits of the LRT
note: the LRT is NEVER this empty. this is a promotional photo that you would be an IDIOT to believe. the only time i've ever seen it this empty, is when it's not moving.

what if i told you LRTs can fly? the one below seems to - away from me- all the time!

So i am seated in the middle of a row of passengers, another sign i haven't been on the lrt for a while, i was not afflicted with BBIS (Big Belly Indecision Syndrome). i used to just stand cos it was easier than trying to guess if the woman was pregnant or just fat. Fortunately, this time round, they all looked fairly healthy and capable of standing.
The LRT at this time is kind of full of people (although it hadn't reached the armpits-in-face, BO-smothering stage) but the air was still kind of stuffy.
There are some things that, inevitably, will exist amongst the LRT jungle, particularly at what i think is anyway, the rush hour. I notice, that right in front of me, there is the Great Wall of Office People. Yes, sort of like in a football match just before a free kick, except they're mostly in grey (or baju kurungs) and have the office tags hanging off their neck.
Next, there is one very perilous species to be aware of in the LRT. The problem is that they are very hard to detect until they do strike and then, it would be quite difficult to get out of it unless you adopt *evasion measure iv (there's not really 4 but it just looks cooler with a iv) Anyway, the deadly creature is none other than the Incessant Leg-Shaker! Feel the anger and irritation seethe within you as you feel the Parkinson-like drumming take it's effect on the side of your thigh. Plus, this particular Leg Shaker i sat next to *groan* had the art perfected. When he did the irritating up-and-down motion shake, i avoided by sliding closer to my left (he was on my right) and then, with the extra space, he now flaps his legs from side-to-side! (think airing the royal jewels) dear lord, i felt like just clamping his legs down. Sitting next to a Leg Shaker has, however, been known to build tolerance although sometimes resulting in death or injury - of either party.
Another species of LRT-dweller is the Gymthusiast. Scientists have debated over the origins of this species' behaviour, as some argue that it was bred within the confines of the LRT itself, while others say that this was just an adoption of already present characteristics within the LRT environment. Anyway, the Gymthusiast can be spotted hanging from the bars, or holding on with both hands and leaning. If given more space, you may catch them swinging, but this is rare during rush hour. The name Gymthusiast was derived from the gymlike movements of doing pull ups at the bar, which some people do while trying to impress, or just stare down the seated person's top. This syndrome has also been known as the "i'm-not-looking-anywhere-in-particular-OoOoOO-cleavage!" stare. Particularly of note for the better endowed and erm, those with just really skimpy tops.
Next there is a crime which i have to admit i was guilty of today. it was the read-over-someone-else's-shoulder syndrome, and in my defence, it was either looking there or seeing that annoying repetitive drilling movement of that @*$^%'s leg. Plus, she had a really nice mag with pretty clothes! Anyway, if you have a newspaper, people will either read the headlines from across the aisle or peek over to read whatever eye-catching column there is. I've been there before with my daily dose of The Sun last year.
A final observation, which is somewhat of a rarity, is the Overloaded Backpacker. Most likely to alight at KL Sentral, it is amazing how some people have the cow sense to bring their large pieces of luggage/baggage/selves onto the LRT when there is maximum capacity of people already. With a high probability of uncomfortable jabs and squashing, not to mention possible baggage collapse or worse still spillage, it is best to stay away from these items. However, they may sometimes be useful in creating a space around you (helpful in breathing). So, use your own discretion in choosing standing space.
The LRT - don't you just love it? haha.. another thing though, do not disillusion yourself with the photos that they show in the stations of people queueing up to get in the LRT. it DOESN'T happen. remember, it's a free-for-all, be ruthless. And enjoy your next trip in the LRT!

Note: *evasion measure iv can be carried out by pretending that you are alighting the lrt at the next stop and, if you feel very embarrassed, actually alighting and getting back on in another carriage (but they're all connected, so hide). You may also opt to offer your seat to someone else, or, if feeling mean, get up and flash a nasty look.