Thoughts on Life

Today, i went to visit a grand-aunt i never knew i had in an old folks' home. what a term, i think they call it a retirement home, or a nursing home, maybe it sounds better as an elderly home. besides the point, she was dying, her bones being eaten away by cancer, or old age, or both. the old lady teared, seeing a grand niece she had only heard about, and i too, felt that she must be thinking how late in life she had left it, and also this sense of impending, well, end.
it's a shake-up. i had just visited a place where people go to die. even as i left, my dad said that she would not be getting better, and mum added that she was going to die there. does it sound very harsh? it's the truth. as a friend of mine got sentimental when earlier on i said i was going to visit a dying aunt, i said, rather coldly:
"My dear, from the day we were born, it was fated that we were going to die." how uncharacteristic of me, and yet how profound. i think i got it from a book somewhere.
it's been a year since the tsunami, and over dinner, dad said that he felt somewhat depressed, what with visiting his aunt and the images on tv. another thing which we have become all too blase about. or by we, i mean me.
i can't say i feel depressed, cos i don't really. i think i have become more determined not to let life slip by. there are silly things, like the knowledge that my aunt has become estranged from my grandma (not the easiest person to live with, admittedly) and i doubt they'll ever reconcile. it's been at least 20 years, but, for sisters to not talk, well, personally it's stupid to me. the point being, life is not going to tell you "hey, i think you're not going to be around tomorrow. why don't you call all the people you love and say goodbye?" best not to upset them in the first place.
So, i think we should make a list of things to do before you die. i thought of something fanciful just now. one day, i'd like to find the end of the rainbow. who cares about the pot of gold? and adding to that, i absolutely refuse to spend my days in a miserable office.
i'm reminded of my lecturer, ms. rhea. she is living her life doing what she loves. teaching, dancing, following her heart. she set her mind to swim with sharks, and she has, and she's now a divemaster too. life hasn't been easy, but she sure makes it worth living. she is an inspiration, and the latest i heard is that she's got a teaching spot at www.peaceboat.org. sailing around the world and doing what she loves.
As i read off a mug today:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
~Albert Einstein
So, treasure life, live it, and there will be nothing to regret. If you've ever seen a movie called secondhand lions (which, coincidentally, was recommended by ms.rhea - watch it!), you will especially understand what i mean when i say
'Tis better to have died living, than to have lived dying'
~Jeannie