Really.. i don't know what i'm on about, i'll blame it on a bad day

Many random big questions pop into my head, and i wonder whether those philosophy lectures actually seeped into my head (don't kid yourself, they are nothing like that). So, a good time to rant, since i've been having such a frustrating day anyway. Nothing like emotional instability, relationship doubts, a menopausal father, a city that seems overcrowded with people and cars and a generally grumpy disposition to trigger those questions that you just gotta ask.

Question 1: Do we outgrow our friends?
Conflicted between going with my friends of more than half a decade (wow, sounds longer when you put it that way) who have been there for me (sort of) all this while or my current set of friends, whom i have become way too attached to from a year's living together. Okay, the issue is, who to celebrate New Year's Eve with? But erm, detracting from that, New Year's Eve doesn't seem like such a big deal to me anymore. I'm more concerned about the fact that, when even just a few months ago i would have laughed off the notion that i would ever get over my high school friends because in my mind, there would always be something to talk about and we would always be together. haha.. how naive. i have this very horrible feeling that i may be outgrowing them, or maybe they're just not so relevant in my life now. Does that mean i have the right to choose newer friends over them? What about loyalty? I don't know, i don't think they'll ever be out of my life, but i feel guilty that they're not as big a part as i thought they'd always be. Maybe it's a temporary thing.inevitably, one has to ask









this bunch of weirdos?













or this bunch?







somehow there's a very guilty feeling of trading seven years for one, but the experiences we've shared in college have really been immense. So, my makeshift answer is that people come in and out of your life. It's just something that happens and although you try and hold on to stuff as long as you can, i guess there's a point when it slides. I believe in friendships that last forever. I believe i will still see many of these people well into my old age, (thank you technology) but even then our relationships will change, so we can't expect the same schoolyard gossip and shopping mall outings. People change, lives change, and it's not always for the worse.

Question 2: Is there only one person for everyone and will we just know?
Haha.. million dollar question. I had this talk with my cousin Ben the first night i'd seen him after about 4 years. We don't believe it. Well, we decided that we have absolutely no faith in long distance relationships, at least not if it's a fairly new relationship and there's an indefinite/really long period of absence. Why? Well, it relates to the first question, honest! I think that a relationship would require someone who is there for you, involved in your life yada yada yada... Well, it's kind of impossible if you're not there. Yes, i understand that there's the telephone, and sms and msn and email and skype and writing notes via aeroplane and sending messages on tv, but the point is that, there's just some added thing about physical presence that helps glue it together. This might seem really shallow and maybe at some point in my life, there'll be this fantastic love of my life who can prove otherwise, but right now, i'm still quite firmly rooted in this belief. i mean, honestly, isn't half the thrill the chills you get from a touch, the security from a warm hug, even minus 'physicality' isn't it about being able to do things together? Ms. Rhea taught us in Sociology before that a relationship shouldn't be 2 people to make 1 whole person, but it should be 2 whole people, who are enriched by each other. And that it's not about 2 paths converging into one, but really 2 separate paths that are going the same way. Well, you can't really be going the same way if you're not exactly there eh?
So, what Ben and i concluded is that, there's the possibility of you striking up a relationship with any number of people, so long as they fit, well, a basic criteria. Like, obviously you can't hate the guts out of said person. But, i guess where things go from there is really up to you. And even when you're with someone, there could be someone there who seems just right for you. Jeepers, so much for my faith in fidelity. Kind of a grim way to imagine a love for all seasons eh? Would be nice if i really did have a knight in shining armour though.

Question 3: Multiple spouses?
So this really just carries on from my last question. If i believe that there is no ONE person for someone, then what about polygamy? I wonder whether people in the world will ever find it to be an acceptable thing. If, according to my obviously scientifically-backed notion, it is possible that there's more than one person suitable for us, then why can't we all just get along? Wouldn't that be a notion? Communal households. Hey, in Nepal, there are women with multiple husbands (but that's really more because then there's enough people working to earn enough money to survive) and goodness knows there are loads of tycoons with mistresses and second wives and what not. But wouldn't that be a notion?
I was just thinking, times have changed. Years ago there was this mindframe that you'd stick to your job for years, even for generations! Like, the novelty there is, or used to be anyway, from your children inheriting the family business. The whole idea of this has been in the family for generations, made the same way throughout the years, handed down from year to year, made the same way our ancestors used to... well, i think you get the picture. I was just thinking i doubt i'd hold a job for more than 3 years. in fact, i think i'd like to flit from job to job. life so much less monotonous. Okay, the fact that all this keeps pointing to me not being very faithful to friends or partners, really makes me think this whole relationship thing is, erm.. unfamiliar (to say the least) territory for me to tread. I don't know. This is, after all, where i ramble, so there you go, confessions of a confused (hormone-driven) mind.
I may end up polygamous and friendless. Awesome!

Things They Don't Tell You in Text Books: The One on LRTs

For the first time in ages, i stepped into what used to be very familiar territory. My usual haunt for those daily journeys to college (good old Taylor's college!), the LRT! mind you, i doubt i've complained about it (not much anyhow). Public transport is an excellent place to see characters you may not necessarily observe in any other part of your day, to people watch and even learn the roads! (yeah, looking out the window helps) Particularly if your public transport allows you to skip jams, avoid driving and is air conditioned!
This is the first chapter in my Things They Don't Tell You in Text Books series.

Okay, so i step in at 6.21 pm and i catch the "Work-is-over-for-the-day-i-wanna-get-the-hell-out-of-here Crowd" (whom i can sincerely share sentiments with) and with the benefit of a sort of foreigner's point of view, owing to the lack of LRTs in melbourne, i could once more observe *drum roll*

The Wildlife and Habits of the LRT
note: the LRT is NEVER this empty. this is a promotional photo that you would be an IDIOT to believe. the only time i've ever seen it this empty, is when it's not moving.

what if i told you LRTs can fly? the one below seems to - away from me- all the time!

So i am seated in the middle of a row of passengers, another sign i haven't been on the lrt for a while, i was not afflicted with BBIS (Big Belly Indecision Syndrome). i used to just stand cos it was easier than trying to guess if the woman was pregnant or just fat. Fortunately, this time round, they all looked fairly healthy and capable of standing.
The LRT at this time is kind of full of people (although it hadn't reached the armpits-in-face, BO-smothering stage) but the air was still kind of stuffy.
There are some things that, inevitably, will exist amongst the LRT jungle, particularly at what i think is anyway, the rush hour. I notice, that right in front of me, there is the Great Wall of Office People. Yes, sort of like in a football match just before a free kick, except they're mostly in grey (or baju kurungs) and have the office tags hanging off their neck.
Next, there is one very perilous species to be aware of in the LRT. The problem is that they are very hard to detect until they do strike and then, it would be quite difficult to get out of it unless you adopt *evasion measure iv (there's not really 4 but it just looks cooler with a iv) Anyway, the deadly creature is none other than the Incessant Leg-Shaker! Feel the anger and irritation seethe within you as you feel the Parkinson-like drumming take it's effect on the side of your thigh. Plus, this particular Leg Shaker i sat next to *groan* had the art perfected. When he did the irritating up-and-down motion shake, i avoided by sliding closer to my left (he was on my right) and then, with the extra space, he now flaps his legs from side-to-side! (think airing the royal jewels) dear lord, i felt like just clamping his legs down. Sitting next to a Leg Shaker has, however, been known to build tolerance although sometimes resulting in death or injury - of either party.
Another species of LRT-dweller is the Gymthusiast. Scientists have debated over the origins of this species' behaviour, as some argue that it was bred within the confines of the LRT itself, while others say that this was just an adoption of already present characteristics within the LRT environment. Anyway, the Gymthusiast can be spotted hanging from the bars, or holding on with both hands and leaning. If given more space, you may catch them swinging, but this is rare during rush hour. The name Gymthusiast was derived from the gymlike movements of doing pull ups at the bar, which some people do while trying to impress, or just stare down the seated person's top. This syndrome has also been known as the "i'm-not-looking-anywhere-in-particular-OoOoOO-cleavage!" stare. Particularly of note for the better endowed and erm, those with just really skimpy tops.
Next there is a crime which i have to admit i was guilty of today. it was the read-over-someone-else's-shoulder syndrome, and in my defence, it was either looking there or seeing that annoying repetitive drilling movement of that @*$^%'s leg. Plus, she had a really nice mag with pretty clothes! Anyway, if you have a newspaper, people will either read the headlines from across the aisle or peek over to read whatever eye-catching column there is. I've been there before with my daily dose of The Sun last year.
A final observation, which is somewhat of a rarity, is the Overloaded Backpacker. Most likely to alight at KL Sentral, it is amazing how some people have the cow sense to bring their large pieces of luggage/baggage/selves onto the LRT when there is maximum capacity of people already. With a high probability of uncomfortable jabs and squashing, not to mention possible baggage collapse or worse still spillage, it is best to stay away from these items. However, they may sometimes be useful in creating a space around you (helpful in breathing). So, use your own discretion in choosing standing space.
The LRT - don't you just love it? haha.. another thing though, do not disillusion yourself with the photos that they show in the stations of people queueing up to get in the LRT. it DOESN'T happen. remember, it's a free-for-all, be ruthless. And enjoy your next trip in the LRT!

Note: *evasion measure iv can be carried out by pretending that you are alighting the lrt at the next stop and, if you feel very embarrassed, actually alighting and getting back on in another carriage (but they're all connected, so hide). You may also opt to offer your seat to someone else, or, if feeling mean, get up and flash a nasty look.

Enough to Shame

Now if this doesn't make you feel bad about not doing anything.. An article in the Star here highlights how residents of a disabled home in Sabah (yay!) is donating their excess christmas gifts to Kadazandusun kids in rural areas. Apparently, they felt that these items were of greater need there and they are also running a collection for old mattresses, clothes, school stuff and vitamins.
Now if it takes residents of a disabled home to remind us that there are needy (ier?) people around us, then we should all hide our faces in shame. it's the end of the year, people are gonna splurge on chinese new year clothes (possibly), take the time to clear your cupboard of clothes, or clear your house of things that you know you haven't used in a while. Like my mum loves to say, once you clear the old, there's space for the new! and you realise that you don't miss that many things anyway. Think of the needier kids whom that extra shirt or extra toy will mean the world to. Someone out there doesn't have it as good as you. (coming from me, you can laugh)
Let's do a good deed people, all you need is love!

Thoughts on Life

Today, i went to visit a grand-aunt i never knew i had in an old folks' home. what a term, i think they call it a retirement home, or a nursing home, maybe it sounds better as an elderly home. besides the point, she was dying, her bones being eaten away by cancer, or old age, or both. the old lady teared, seeing a grand niece she had only heard about, and i too, felt that she must be thinking how late in life she had left it, and also this sense of impending, well, end.
it's a shake-up. i had just visited a place where people go to die. even as i left, my dad said that she would not be getting better, and mum added that she was going to die there. does it sound very harsh? it's the truth. as a friend of mine got sentimental when earlier on i said i was going to visit a dying aunt, i said, rather coldly:
"My dear, from the day we were born, it was fated that we were going to die." how uncharacteristic of me, and yet how profound. i think i got it from a book somewhere.
it's been a year since the tsunami, and over dinner, dad said that he felt somewhat depressed, what with visiting his aunt and the images on tv. another thing which we have become all too blase about. or by we, i mean me.
i can't say i feel depressed, cos i don't really. i think i have become more determined not to let life slip by. there are silly things, like the knowledge that my aunt has become estranged from my grandma (not the easiest person to live with, admittedly) and i doubt they'll ever reconcile. it's been at least 20 years, but, for sisters to not talk, well, personally it's stupid to me. the point being, life is not going to tell you "hey, i think you're not going to be around tomorrow. why don't you call all the people you love and say goodbye?" best not to upset them in the first place.
So, i think we should make a list of things to do before you die. i thought of something fanciful just now. one day, i'd like to find the end of the rainbow. who cares about the pot of gold? and adding to that, i absolutely refuse to spend my days in a miserable office.
i'm reminded of my lecturer, ms. rhea. she is living her life doing what she loves. teaching, dancing, following her heart. she set her mind to swim with sharks, and she has, and she's now a divemaster too. life hasn't been easy, but she sure makes it worth living. she is an inspiration, and the latest i heard is that she's got a teaching spot at www.peaceboat.org. sailing around the world and doing what she loves.
As i read off a mug today:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
~Albert Einstein
So, treasure life, live it, and there will be nothing to regret. If you've ever seen a movie called secondhand lions (which, coincidentally, was recommended by ms.rhea - watch it!), you will especially understand what i mean when i say
'Tis better to have died living, than to have lived dying'
~Jeannie

Merry Boxing Day

Christmas is OvEr. I think it had the least hype leading up to it (except for my incessant pining for turkey) but i must say it was enjoyable indeed. Spent in the company of friends, and with the least present-hunting done beforehand, i really do believe that there is some joy to be derived from giving. Yesterday I walked around and spotted the most random little items that I thought were of a reasonable price, and if they reminded me of someone, I bought it for them. Simple as that. You can be surprised the things you can find in Big Bookshop and Toys R Us. Yes, the perils of living right opposite them.
But I derived joy in finding people presents (my motive was NOT to make them feel bad about not giving anything in return) and then giving it to them. Heehee.. the fact that most of the items were TOYS had no relation whatsoever to my recent childhood nostalgia. *ponder*
Anyway, good times, great company, merry christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve

'Tis the season to be jolly! Especially when you're soon-to-be-jobless!
People don't usually say that.. hhhmm.. but when have i been a 'usual' person?
'Tis the season to have turkey! Falalalalala.....
oooeerr.. not that one.. oh dear! how to eat now? eerrmm. omg. all the poultry in the melbourne show must be.. *gulp* dead.

PsYcHaDeLiC

OoOOo.... i'm still stuck at work and the resignation letter is sitting in the closet next to me. But my H of Dept is out so i can't talk to him! It's a bit scary, this whole business, but must be done! goodness knows i've had my share of talks about giving up. And this would be the least personal one too! hahaha.. ah well, my boredom at work led me to searching for pictures.. and these are PrEtTy... so hippie-ish.. *sigh* stupid corporate office.. *grumble*

And i quote...

"Yes, it was a very pleasant life I lived in those days long ago-- though of course I did not think so then. I was nine and a half years old; and, like all boys, I wanted to grow up--not knowing how well off I was with no cares and nothing to worry me. Always I longed for the time when I should be allowed to leave my father's house, to take passage in one of those brave ships, to sail down the river through the misty marshes to the sea-- out into the world to seek my fortune."
~Hugh Lofting, The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle

Oh My GoOdnEsS! More revelations of my hippie mind! I tell you, subconsciously, all those years ago when i first read this book, i was absorbing all these messages! *gasp*
See, we shouldn't rush growing up. it happens too fast anyway.
Still love the Doctor Dolittle series. (^o^)

Rich, Famous and 7 Years Old

it's like the world just wants to tell me i'm outdated now. I was going through the papers, and apparently, a survey done on kids aged 7 to 11 found that when asked about their dreams in life, they said:
1) to be rich
2) to be famous
and then all the usual stuff about pursuing sport, or animals, etc.
oh dear. is this just the youth of today, or was there something different put into my milk bottle all those years ago? Then again, Kids say the Darndest things. Many years ago my brother wanted to be an accountant so that he could count money all day. Now, he's in advertising.
Me, i wanted to be a vet. And i said i would NEVER EVER go into politics, it's full of liars.
Haha. Well, life takes funny turns.
Apart from that, the survey also found that kids thought Wayne Rooney was more influential than Jesus.
Go figure.

Nobility in Curry? Actually it was Petty Childishness in Veggies

if there's one thing this whole work thing has taught me, it's that you're only as good as you feel. A sad but true fact. I think the reason why i have been so miserable and sick to top it up, is because I am wallowing in my own depression. Tis true! Mood swings are funny things.
Take for example, dinnertime. Mum had made the brilliant decision of cooking curry, despite knowing that I would be moody after work and had a killer of a sorethroat. And me, being stubborn and groggy after waking up, decided that I would be noble(?) and not touch it. Somehow being fussy and able to "resist temptation" made me feel like I would derive somemore sympathy, or something like that. Refusing any offers to have any other food made, I contented myself with lots of veggie and rice and half a sausage. Even though i KnOw i'll be hungry in like 3 hours. (if you dunno why i was bring fussy, erm.. try and relate it to your childhood, when you threw a tantrum and your parents tried to pacify you with a toy or a sweet, and even though you KNEW you wanted it, you pouted nonetheless)
Anyway, I was just gonna kick a fuss and dig in, and then my dad says "She's in a foul mood." And i thought, you know what? I deserve to be in a foul mood. They know how much i HaTe work (with a passion). they know how i feel SO frustrated that my flu stops me from breathing through my nose (seriously, try having to breathe through your mouth for half a day - in an air-conditioned environment no less) and i am practically eating nothing for dinner. So i DO become all moody. And everything is answered with "I dunno" or "Mmm." or "Duwwan."
Even to the point I turned down mum's pujuking of "I'll take you shopping tomorrow after work, ok? " WhAt WaS i ThiNkiNg!??! Anyway, besides the point of me being a spoilt brat, what i'm trying to say is.. i felt crap/i feel crap just because i decided to.
i bet even staying sick for so long is because it gives me some extra thing to feel sorry about myself for. The mind plays really stupid tricks on you sometimes. The more you think that you are bored, and frustrated, and tired, and angry, you will be Bored and Frustrated and Tired and Angry.
i figure that's why i'm happy most of the other times. I HAD a positive outlook on life. Damn the working world for stepping on it, stamping it into the ground and then leaving it to trickle into the sewers. There i go again.
The moral of THIS story is, Think Happy, Be Happy. Now i just have to listen to my own advice.
And find something more filling to eat.





p.s: i don't personally know this kid... but i think he sums ME up nicely right now.

The Truth About Pigs

After resurrecting my love for Doctor Dolittle and igniting a passion for a pig in the story named Gub-Gub in a friend of mine, i am inclined to dispel some deepset stereotypes about these cute little creatures with a little help from the Global Action Network.

• Pigs are CLEAN. They are always thought of as dirty animals but happen to be one of the cleanest in the world! Given the space, they would rather separate pooing areas from sleeping areas.

• Pigs are INTELLIGENT. Which wouldn't be so hard to believe knowing they have pretty similar DNA strains to humans. That's is why we use them for cloning experiments. But pigs have been said to be easier to train than dogs and cats, and have even been used in drug detection.


• Pigs DO NOT SWEAT. Aha! Bet you didn't know this one. Yes, the old phrase Sweating like a pig was Wrong! 'cos that would mean you don't sweat at all. Pigs have No sweat glands and therefore cool themselves off by having a little wallow in the mud. The evaporating water keeps them cool (clever fellas) kind of like how you feel cold after going into the sea and then get blown by the wind.
  

• Pigs have a GOOD SENSE of SMELL. erm.. well, i never really doubted this. But maybe you didn't know that they're used for truffle-hunting. Would be funny if that meant they burst into supermarkets scoffing down chocolates, but truffles are a kind of mushroom that are uber expensive (delicacies) and grow underground. Takes a good piggy's nose to find them!

• Pigs love EXERCISE and are SOCIABLE.

• George Clooney owns a pot-bellied pig called MAX (lookie.. piccy under this!)
• I AM A PIG!

i think pigs are adorable, and they'd make great pets! Kind of in the wrong country to say, but oh well, freedom of speech! And for those who haven't read Doctor Dolittle (which is shockingly quite a number) you can find his books online here! The fact they're free (yes, you kiasu people) is both a shame but also good! I really don't know why he's not more popular. Enjoy though! Reading it tonight cheered me up a lot.

Fairy Tales and Wishful Thinking

i've decided that the best thing in the world is to be a children's writer. i don't mean like madonna, who, if i remember right, actually put her name on the children's book that wasn't really written by her. and i don't mean those government-approved books that are politically correct provided they have multi-racial, morally correct stories and names. I mean like the fairy tales we used to read - Hans Christian Anderson, Grimm Brothers, AA Milne (winnie the pooh.. *sigh*), Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, CS Lewis, etc.
My short brush with the working "real" world as people are saying, has left me pondering many things. (Plus the fact that i'm at a hormonal age, i think i'm going through mood swings)
What happened to the time when we still believed in fairytales? I distinctly remember there being a point in my life when I truly believed that my toys would come alive at night, that there were fairies in the garden, that if you listened long and hard enough, the animals would talk to you.
And then I grew up.
Do you remember how when you were younger, you always wanted to be an adult? Noone let you do anything because you were 'just a kid' and you'd try anything, celebrate when you were just that little bit taller (it's been a while for me, that one), or dress up in your parents' clothes and pretend to go to work and get married, or be super proud when anyone said "Oh, you did that just like a grown up person would."
Well, ScReW YoU PeOpLe FoR MaKiNg Me So MaTuRe!!
*sigh* sometimes i feel the child in me has died. yes, amidst the squealing in toy shops, staring at rainbows and dressing up in too bright colours... if the child in me hasn't died, then the world has become less forgiving of her existence. She doesn't want to know that the world is all about money. She doesn't want to know that people go to work to get tired and frustrated and do the same things day in and day out. She doesn't want to know that adventures are confined to your imagination, and people content themselves by watching pictures on a screen, laughing them off as mere fiction but secretly wishing those lives were their own.
I am very disillusioned with life at the moment.
So how does this relate to childrens' writers? I wish i could still dream up those vivid worlds, and live in them, and breathe life into them with every sacred word on paper. And then maybe, just maybe, that little child in me will have a place to roam happily because she certainly doesn't seem to fit into the 'real' world.



this is one of the best books in the world. if you haven't read it, you should.


p.s: don't ever believe that myth that children's books are only for children - it's something grown ups made up to make you feel smaller!

Questions of a Hippie Mind

When did we become content stuck behind desks?

When did something as common as money become our sole pursuit?

When did we stop looking for the rare, the precious, the unattainable?

How did we become satisfied staring at a mundane screen – our lives governed by the rise...

or fall of something beyond our control?

When did we stop forging our own destiny?

A hundred uncertain days, their share of ups and downs are certainly better than a lifetime of monotonous security?

Have the battles been reduced to games?

Have the adventures been reduced to numbers?

Most importantly, when did we forget to be children?

Getting in the Xmas Mood!

i KNOW i've been grumpy from boring times in the office. But Xmas Mood has hit me! yay! what with all this talk of turkey *mmm... turkey... drool* and stuffing and christmas parties! Did you realise that the end of the year is only 16 days away! Wow! i can't wait (cos it means pigging out and holiday!)
anywayz, i just thought that you guys should get into the spirit too.. here's a rendition of JinGLe BeLLs which is quite.. unique! haha..
Jingle Bells by Aunty Wing!
CHRISTMAS PAAARRRTTYY!!!! la la la
p.s: think about it - does anyone still remember ALL the lyrics to twelve days of christmas? cos i sure don't. it's a conundrum this...

Swear Jar in School!

As I progress through my morning paper, the world just becomes more and more absurd.
Some schools in Connecticut are implementing fines for students who swear. (How about THAT eddie?) What happened to the conventional wash your mouth out with soap?
You haven't seen how much the fine is though, $103. yes, that's in US dollars. RM 390! How many roti telurs can you buy with that?!?!? and just about 45 Egg Chiffon rice from A1! Ouch. That's over 70 Happy Meals...
The penalty for not paying your fine? You'll have to appear in court on the basis of "creating a public disturbance". Oh my f*cking lord. Oops. there goes $103.
Let's hope Malaysian policemen don't catch wind of this. In a nation of corrupt cops and multilingual cussing, well, you get my drift.
This whole "public disturbance" charge is rather.. well, disturbing.

Eggxelent

Irish eggs come with tar and gravel. Really.
A lorry carrying hens swerved off the road yesterday and dropped its load, around 7000 brooding hens. Motorists are now facing slippery conditions as the hens are running loose and laying eggs on the road. Eggslide! Just thought that was a funny excerpt from the newspaper. And think of all those people who are going without that poached egg for breakfast.
Mmm... poached egg *drool*
I have yet to experiment making one. Really hot boiling water stirred quickly and an egg cracked into the middle. Supposed to retain it's shape, if it just breaks up into a yolky goo... you got it wrong.
anyway, if you're in ireland, roam the countryside for some free hens.

Sick of working... Literally!

i think it's the weather. Sniffles. Coughs. An aching throat. Throbbing headache. Life is good...
An interesting observation: the temperature in the office is mostly, if not always, somewhere along the lines of tundra-like. It doesn't help when you feel sick. and bored.
the highlight of my day was walking over to another building to get a projector. Joy.
at least i'm looking up stuff for myself. Time passed faster after i started searching up things to do in Melbourne next year. I guess i miss the place already. The Commonwealth Games will be exciting. But even sleep sounds more interesting than my job at the mo.
Haha. i realise that i spent 8 hours looking for things to do next year. I think i need something to do NOW.
Still not liking this work thing....

Day Three... Shoot Me

Has it only been three days?
Today's brilliant accomplishments - i learned how to send a fax, using the photocopier. Nopes. not mad. tis true! the amazing things we have nowadays. and i got my internet set up! WhooPee! little did i know that you can find absolutely NO statistics on government websites (which made me fail my first research task miserably) spent the rest of the day surfing aimlessly on the net.
oh, the little funny stories that inevitably crop up in my life: my shoes started crumbling! haha.. literally. i was wearing mummy's old shoes (i didn't know HOW old... somewhere in the region of 5 to 10 years!). so i suddenly realise there's black rubble under my desk. and then i realise it's from my shoes. and then i realise there's a trail leading up to my desk of black rubble. haha.. thank goodness for the carpeted office area cos outside, on the tiles, the shoes squeak.
anyhow, whole chunks of my heel were coming off, which was especially hilarious when i went out for lunch (thanks kenny) and left a big chunk of heel outside the coffee shop. EMBARRASSING! not to mention i still had half a day at work hobbling with one flat shoe and one shoe with a heel.
other than that. i did absolutely nothing at work. it's so boring. i rather be outside doing ANYTHING else. having messenger doesn't help when everyone tells you they're going somewhere. *sigh* i really do feel like quitting. i think i'm not so cut out for a 9 to 5 job. haha. as people who know me probably think too.
still hoping something comes up to do. until then, the *thud* *thud* *thud* is me banging my head on the table.
sms count: 12 (i have msn now!)
times mail was checked: 15
crosswords done: 8
floor space covered in black rubble: ∞

Goyang goyang kaki... kerja macam ini...

Day two of my OrdEaL.
i'm being paid rm 3 an hour (omg. that's 1 AUD) to read a book (my own), listen to my ipod (which died on me btw.. dammit, shall bring my charger to work), goyang kaki and erm... drink free milo!
i did my first little bit of officey non-secretarial work tho. was told to calculate some figures by merely dividing a set of numbers from another. so i entered the data into a spreadsheet, made another column with the formulae and created charts and graphs. then i asked her if she wanted the line graph or the bar chart, and my colleague says "oh, just copy down the figures and pass to me" *DuSh* pengsan.. waste my nice excel work. oh well.
erm.. yeah, that was pretty much my work all day. and then waiting for my computer. which i still don't have internet access on.
SMS count: 22
iPod Battery Life : 2 hours
Books bound : 1
Days left: 33

p.s: thanks cousin ben for the piccy. haha flattering.

The Ongoing Adventures of Jeannie and the Wonderful World of Work

It's my first day at work. well, official work. the kind where you need to wear shirts, and skirts, and if you can be bothered, stockings. i've decided i don't like office shoes. Those covered toe kinds where your feet get all clammy and they always look aunty. ALWAYS. putting them on reminded me of childhood days when you'd pull on mummy's shoulder padded shirts (it was the 80s!) and clonk around in her big shoes which are 4 sizes too big. oh, did i mention the obligatory smear of blood red lipstick? aaahhh.. those were the days.
back to my point. holidays were never meant to have 6.30 am wake up calls. i guess that means my holiday's over. seeing as i have to work til the day before i fly. ok. my holiday is definitely over.
Arrive at work early, get shown around, make friendly conversation, fail at friendly conversation, share the anxious looks of other interns, get shown around the office, get thrown to my head of department. and yes, there's still a full day ahead.
they tell me i can start researching when my computer arrives. guess what? i bet it won't be there tomorrow 'cos it sure as hell wasn't there today (when i left). 2 pm and i had gone for lunch, explored the drinks machine and read the report 2 times over. i felt like i'd been in that office forEVER. my most productive hours of the day were ahead. 2 hours of binding and 2 hours of photocopying. life doesn't get much better. plus, you'll never appreciate how great it is to sit til you've been standing bent over a binding machine in HEELS for 2 hours.
oh well, at least everyone was friendly and i know i don't quite like the corporate scene. but i have 34 days to convince me otherwise.
and yes, i am counting.

me after work...
sms count: 15
milo count: 2
pages photocopied and bound: ∞

The Passing

Solemnity is hanging here,
As well as family members dear;
Candles dimly lit ablaze,
Give the room a smoky haze;
Everyone stares, their thoughts unknown,
At one figure, all alone;
He lies there in his sunken bed,
A pillow supporting his head;
His limbs are weak, his bones are brittle,
His resilience is very little;
The red that in his cheeks did flood,
Is now white with no trace of blood;
His brow, now wrinkled in a frown,
His lips, where spoken word did drown;
The silence, now thick as a cloud,
Becomes so deafeningly loud;
At last a lawyer does come in,
And everyone lights up in sin;
Poor sir, quite soon he will be gone,
But then a new richness will dawn;
And eyes flare up with fiery greed,
The cash? The car? Perhaps the deed?
Who will he pass his fortune to?
With neither son nor mistress too;
Perhaps I, who hardly knew him,
Or Aunt Ethel? Uncle Jim?
The lawyer reads his last request,
A breath is held in everyone’s chest;
“I hereby leave my fortune to…”
There goes Aunt Ethel, “Yes, thank you!”
“But wait, I have not said your name,”
The lawyer says, and Aunt grows tame;
“I leave it to my faithful cat,
So she can grow lovely and fat;
And keep her soft, silky smooth fur,
My everything I leave to her.”
The old man gave a tiny grin,
The sickness finally did him in;
He whispered to us all, “Surprise.”
And that was Grandfather’s demise.

My lash out at the modern world

Run!
Take shelter for it comes
To hammer down on limbs,
Made immobile
For their breaths of fire
Extinguished in a flick.
And here it comes to undo
What built towers of peroxide.
In streams running down
Amongst ridges of powdered visage.
Strike it does,
Making bridge and bone of metal
Age quicker in a day
Than a year.
Wash
Away, away,
Floating, the junk
of needless wants.
But happy, happy shower
Sprinkle with life
Each drop.
To grow, to start;
And a million green hands
Take graciously from the sky.
Wash, with gentle strength
The backs and brows
Of those who toil
Whose hairs adorned with beads
Of sweat,
And faces lined
With living.
And the world is anew.
And the world is now fresh.
Cleansed from material desire.